Impostor Syndrome
Recently during a karate class I was working with an adult beginner student. She had great technique but seemed to be plateauing in her progress. There was no confidence or conviction behind her kata and she seemed to be mentally getting in her own way. I asked her to pretend for 5 minutes that she was a Black Belt and had done this kata thousands of times, and then do the kata like a Black Belt. The result was not only an incredible improvement in her technique but her confidence and strength behind the kata skyrocketed. Shocked at how well she did, she stated “I really like how that felt”. She had given herself permission to be better than she thought she was, and proved she was capable of way more than she originally believed.
She always had it in her to do the kata that well and at that level. The only thing getting in her way was herself. So many times we doubt our own abilities. Most limitations are ones we put on ourselves.
“Impostor Syndrome” is one of the biggest challenges for students. As an instructor, the most important thing I can teach a student is to believe in themselves.
Impostor Syndrome is believing you are a fraud or have fooled others into thinking you are more capable than you actually are. Thinking you are a fake. Thinking you don’t deserve the recognition others give you. Sound familiar? We’ve probably all suffered from Impostor Syndrome at some point in our lives.
What does Impostor Syndrome look like? How can you recognize it in other people?
■ Always trying to do everything on their own
■ Needs to know everything about a subject before leading others
■ Perfectionist
■ Trying to hide any mistakes
■ Low self-confidence
■ Accomplishments are not deserved (just lucky)
■ Impatient at learning challenging things
How does Impostor Syndrome feel?
■ Never feeling you have done enough research or training
■ Never feeling qualified
■ Harshly criticizing yourself for the smallest of mistakes
■ Feeling like you aren’t smart enough if something doesn’t come easily
■ Believes compliments from others are based in pity or are biased
■ Depression, anxiety, stress
■ Fear of Failure
How can Impostor Syndrome be overcome and eradicated for good?
■ Allow yourself time to learn things. - It’s okay to not understand or pick up on something right away. It doesn’t mean you aren’t smart enough or good enough. Struggling to learn something is good. You will end up understanding what you are learning even better. You will be able to help others with the same struggles because you’ve already overcome it and understand what they are going through. You will also appreciate the end result a lot more than something easily obtained. One of my favorite belt tests was for Green Belt. I struggled with the foot position for Front Snap Kick. Mr. Maidon made me work for it. I had to go home and practice several times before finally getting the correct foot position. That belt meant a lot to me because I had to work harder and push through something that I struggled with. It represented my ability to conquer something I struggled with.
■ Allow yourself to make mistakes and give yourself credit for learning from the mistakes - Growth comes from pushing past your comfort zone which means mistakes may happen. But you learn from mistakes. And learning helps you continue to grow and get better. One of my college professors used to say, “I don’t care if you make a mistake as long as you learn from it and don’t make it again. So just figure out a new mistake to make.”
■ Ask others for help - This is hard. We want to feel like we are good enough on our own. And we can be. But we can be even better when we work as a team. We can progress faster and let others know how much we value them and what they have to offer. It’s a win-win.
■ Discuss how you feel with those you feel safe - If you feel inadequate, reach out to a good friend or therapist. Being able to talk to someone may not only help you work through self-doubt but might create opportunities to share with others who are having the same struggles. You may realize we all feel like an imposter at some point.
■ Allow yourself time to believe you are that person then step back and see all you accomplished - Take time (even if it’s just 10 minutes) to allow yourself to be good enough, better than you feel you are. When I started teaching self-defense classes I had major doubts I was actually good enough, knew enough, and was the right person to be teaching self-defense classes. But I wanted it badly, enough that I decided to keep moving forward. I had to allow myself to pretend for 1-2 hours that I was qualified. At the end of each class, when I looked back at what I had actually done, I was thrilled. Each class I had to pretend a little bit less and my belief in myself grew.
■ Write down goals - When you write a goal down you are more likely to achieve it. Achieving goals and seeing your growth will help build your self-confidence. If you truly do not feel adequate enough to do something, write down everything you think you need to know. Then as you work at learning the skills and can mark them off the list, you will have a much better understanding of what you actually can do and how much you are growing. You will see progress.
■ If I remove fear from the equation, what would I do? - One of the most influential questions I was ever asked was, “If you remove fear from the equation, what would you do?” When I ask myself that, the path I truly want to walk becomes clear and I realize just how much fear, or fear of not being good enough, is keeping me from doing what I genuinely want. Don’t let fear dictate your dreams or how capable you really are.
■ Change “failure” to “mistake” and think of mistakes as opportunities for growth - “Fear of Failure” is a common phrase. The word “failure” implies an end, and no opportunity to try again. That kind of fear can be very hard to work through. But is it really a failure if you mess up or just a mistake? If you make a “mistake” you associate learning and having other opportunities to try again. Tell yourself you have a “fear of making a mistake” and the only way to fail is to stop trying or give up.
■ Accept who you are today, so you can improve on who you will be tomorrow - Another college professor helped me work through a very frustrating day when I was not happy with my progress and couldn’t move forward. I was getting in my own way. He told me I had to “accept who I am today before I can move forward and be better tomorrow.” Accepting what your best is in the current moment does not mean you will not grow and be better tomorrow. By accepting where I was and what my best was in that moment, the stress and pressure of trying to be better went away and I was able to enjoy the journey of getting to the place I wanted to be.
As students progress through ranks, it is common to see a student have a massive amount of growth the moment they get a new belt. It’s almost as if a student believes they are only capable of gold belt technique because they are a gold belt. Once they get the next rank, they believe, because of that new rank, they are now better than they were. They let the belt define them instead of them defining the belt. If you are a student reading this, I challenge you to be responsible for defining your belt.
Regardless of what you feel inadequate at, give yourself a chance. Even if it’s just to pretend for 5 minutes you are better than you think. Allow yourself to make mistakes and recognize the growth you achieve from those mistakes. Learn to find confidence in yourself. No one defines anything about who you are. No object defines anything about who you are. Only you get to decide what you are capable of. The only person who gets to define you is you.
